Why do I feel like I struggle so much learning to be content?
Why do I get jealous of others who seem to have it all together?
Why do I not have it all together (unrealistic I know)?
Why does it seem that God continues to poor out blessing on certain friends of mine, and not me?
Why do these friends not understand that they are so blessed and that they might be rubbing it in other faces when they talk?
Why do I have to feel like a girl who is not happy with my life when the Lord has blessed me with so much?
How can I spend time with Jesus in the morning and in the evening come back to the same struggles?
AHH...thinking this stuff and reading this stuff makes me excited about glory, and also want to pull a "airplane" move and smack myself in the face saying "get a hold of yourself!"
Sometimes i wish i had moved to India and made a life for myself there, than maybe I wouldnt feel so "western" and materialistic. But then again I am sure some other sin would break me down and lead me back to the cross daily.
2 comments:
I think we all struggle with this, girl! I know I do. I'm jealous of the people who are still in SC. I'm jealous of friendships that people have b/c I'm still building friendships here. I'm jealous of people that have money to do fun things like go to the zoo or go somewhere other than stay with family for long weekends.
I think the difference between you and others is that you are open and honest about struggling with jealousy and not being content. It's a strong personality trait actually. You should be proud of yourself for it and not beat yourself up about it. The fact that you recognize it is more than most can say!!
i struggle with this as well! you are such a wonderful mom to your kids tara. know that they love you, no matter what! the Lord gave YOU to them as their mama...no one else! nobody else knows them like you, understands their needs like you or loves them like you. when i get bummed out about who i am, who i wish i could be i have to make a choice to make myself focus on my identity in Christ, and then play with the little munchkins :) love you dearly!
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