teething and so much more....

Its been a little bit since I have written.

I have quite a few breakdowns this past week.

Miles has been gradually fussier and I was not sure why, and hadnt really noticed that he was until I hung out with a friends baby who is the same exact age, thats when I realized it!

Yesterday though I saw a big white spot on his gums and realized his top tooth is coming in! I remember someone saying they heard on the news that someone gave birth to a baby that already had their teeth in. The girl who was telling me this was not a nursing mother so she was like, can you imagine that pain. Truthfully, if your child is nursing correctly, you shouldnt feel that pain. SO, yes let me birth my next baby to have all their teeth, of course healthy, and maybe could he/she be potty trained? Is that too much to ask Lord?

Jay has not been regressing in potty training, but he is having this problem that when he pees in the toilet he doesnt push it down, intern spraying the pee straight out of the toilet getting clothes, floor, and himself wet....super fun.

There is a lot more that has been going on in myself spiritually lately, God is breaking down walls in me and healing a lot. There is a fire that he has put in my heart for His people, and I really could go so much into that, but of course Miles is waking up! (its 9:30, praise God!) Maybe thats for a late night post, for right now just the shallow stuff!

penis wars (yeah i said it!)

so jay being potty trained, is a little more naked than i usually let him be. He goes to the potty on his own and takes his shorts off, he just cant quite get the shorts back on! So hence the nakedness. Well his loves to play with miles and miles sitting up is about face to face with Jays privates. I am sitting on the computer as I am watching Jay pull at his own penis to show it to Miles telling him about pee pee. Should have got a picture but it was such a quick little moment. I am sure than there will be many more days of comparing their manhoods, as I think this is a fairly normal guy thing to do...or maybe my child is bizarre, that could be it too!

Also I find gross things so cute and funny. I think its hilarious that when jay blows his nose he always has to look at it to see the boogers he has accomplished! I think its funny now that he poops in the potty he calls is a snake and is sometimes afraid it will come out of the toilet and bite him! Haha. He loves when Miles spits up and runs to him with a cloth saying "My do it momma!"

I do love being a mom to little boys, so funny the things that come out of jays mouth, or other places!

beautiful story

This story was emailed to me by a friend of mine and touched my heart in so many ways. I hope you all get out of it what I did and it touches you. I know that as my children grow up I will feel more and more like this women, I hope that I can truly know that the work that I am doing is the work God set out for me to build. Whether a cathedral or a sand castle, it is for His glory. (thanks for sharing Sarah!):

It all began to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of response, the way one of the kids will walk into the room while I'm on the phone and ask to be taken to the store. Inside I'm thinking, 'Can't you see I'm on the phone?'

Obviously not; no one can see if I'm on the phone, or cooking, or sweeping the floor, or even standing on my head in the corner, because no one can see me at all. I'm invisible. The Invisible Mom. Some days I am only a pair of hands, nothing more! Can you fix this? Can you tie this? Can you open this??

Some days I'm not a pair of hands; I'm not even a human being. I'm a clock to ask, 'What time is it?' I'm a satellite guide to answer, 'What number is the Disney Channel?' I'm a car to order, 'Right around 5:30, please.'

I was certain that these were the hands that once held books and the eyes that studied history and the mind that graduated summa cum laude -but now, they had disappeared into the peanut butter, never to be seen again. She's going, she's going, she's gone!?

One night, a group of us were having dinner, celebrating the return of a friend from England. Janice had just gotten back from a fabulous trip, and she was going on and on about the hotel she stayed in. I was sitting there, looking around at the others all put together so well. It was hard not to compare and feel sorry for myself. I was feeling pretty pathetic, when Janice turned to me with a beautifully wrapped package, and said, 'I brought you this.' It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe. I wasn't exactly sure why she'd given it to me until I read her inscription: 'To Charlotte, with admiration for the greatness of what you are building when no one sees.'

In the days ahead I would read - no, devour - the book. And I would discover what would become for me, four life-changing truths, after which I could pattern my work: No one can say who built the great cathedrals - we have no record of their names. These builders gave their whole lives for a work they would never see finished. They made great sacrifices and expected no credit. The passion of their building was fuelled by their faith that the eyes of God saw everything.

A legendary story in the book told of a rich man who came to visit the cathedral while it was being built, and he saw a workman carving a tiny bird on the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked the man, 'Why are you spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that will be covered by the roof, No one will ever see it. And the workman replied, 'Because God sees.'

I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place. It was almost as if I heard God whispering to me, 'I see you, Charlotte. I see the sacrifices you make every day, even when no one around you does. No act of kindness you've done, no sequin you've sewn on, no cupcake you've baked, is too small for me to notice and smile over. You are building a great cathedral, but you can't see right now what it will become.'

At times, my invisibility feels like an affliction. But it is not a disease that is erasing my life. It is the cure for the disease of my own self-centeredness. It is the antidote to my strong, stubborn pride.

I keep the right perspective when I see myself as a great builder. As one of the people who show up at a job that they will never see finished, to work on something that their name will never be on. The writer of the book went so far as to say that no cathedrals could ever be built in our lifetime because there are so few people willing to sacrifice to that degree.

When I really think about it, I don't want my son to tell the friend he's bringing home from college for Thanksgiving, 'My Mom gets up at 4 in the morning and bakes homemade pies, and then she hand bastes a turkey for 3 hours and presses all the linens for the table.' That would mean I'd built a shrine or a monument to myself. I just want him to want to come home. And then, if there is anything more to say to his friend, to add, 'You're gonna love it there.'

As mothers, we are building great cathedrals. We cannot be seen if we're doing it right. And one day, it is very possible that the world will marvel, not only at what we have built, but at the beauty that has been added to the world by the sacrifices of invisible women.

accidents happen

Ok, so today we have had a couple of accidents. Miles woke up at 10 which was soo late for him, but wonderful. Jay watched Diego while I sat and rocked miles and nursed him, looking out at the beautiful day, seemed like it was going to be great. After finishing feeding miles I set him on my bed with Jay to watch cartoons while I changed his sheets (he slept for 13 hours, yes he was soaked through and through!) He extra linens where just washed so I ran downstairs to get them. Just as I got downstairs, a loud boom, like a bowling ball hitting the floor, then immediately after miles screaming crying. Jay never fell off the bed so I was so worried, this was the first time ever! I ran upstairs, picked him up and rocked him, he quickly calmed down. I then asked my two year old what happened and the best way he could describe it was that he pushed miles. I was so angry with Jay, he started balling, then I came to realize he just meant that miles fell just didnt know how to word it. He just kept saying "Miles fell, Miles fell." I felt awful. Everyone calmed down and we went on our day.

So we went to have lunch and a little pool time at Melodys. I have been so proud and excited that we have had no accidents since we started potty training. (poopy that is). Of course we are at a friends house and i just spent the last half hour bragging on Jay, I am getting miles his food ready because he is fussy and i noticed the brown on jays bathing suit-thought it was mud. So im inside and I hear melody say man I smell poop, she does have the pregnant woman senses, and for sure that wasnt mud. Reminds me of the line from Tommy Boy, "Hey chubbo, that doesnt smell like mud." And yes it was nasty. But hey it happens, Jay seemed as though it was no biggie, and continued to eat his craisins and goldfish, I in fact wanted to shake him and say this is a big deal kid!! But of course i was in front of grass loving melody and I didnt want her to think I was this uptight mom (which just so happens, I kind of am.) I am pyscho when it comes to my childrens schedules, sleeping, eating etc. Even if Jay doesnt poop at his regular time I start to wonder what have I been feeding him that is causing this change, do I need to do something different, if he getting enough fiber,....I know, take it easy right?! I am trying to be more laid back with miles, but I am sure I will be just as nutty. Luckily i have an amazing husband, who the Lord has designed for me and he deals with it, gracefully and lovingly! (I think even likes it a little, ya know dealing with a wife who is a little goofy:)

starting this up for sanity sake

So it was generally a rough day yesterday. God has been working on my heart about a lot of things and I had a major break down yesterday afternoon. Crying, yelling, the whole bit. The children went to sleep pretty fast. You know Jay is scared of momma when he asks for nigh nights please momma. Afternoon was good and evening was even better. Jay ceases to crack me up with his constant fears. Everything they say about adventurous boys is thrown out the window with that on. He was terrified when he got up to the top of the steps at the chic fil a playground he was frozen screaming crying. Of course they dont make those things to easily fit us "fuller" moms! Luckily David Dubois was there to climb up and help Jay get through to the slide. Once he slid down (and by slide I mean scoot by scoot meander down) he want to cheerfully go "AGAIN." um that was a no. Came home put the boys to bed, chatted with my husband in bed and we both fell asleep......Miles window breaking screams started at 2:45. I am not in the habit of letting babies cry it out. It is like emotional, physical torment for me. I feel ill the whole time and if he gets queit for a few minutes i cant calm down enough to relax until the next cries start. And they did, for an hour straight. I believe he is officially asleep, its now 4:15. Miles is such a stubborn boy. With Jay we used so many methods to soothe him, rocking, patting, shhhing, the paci, etc. NOTHING works with Miles, he just wants to be nursed. But he doesnt need it and I dont want to create a bad habit, or at least prolong what i have created. It is soo hard for me to listen to his cries though knowing it would take me less than five minutes to put him back to sleep using that method. But I must endure this for him and for me! I blog about this cause I normally would chat with my husband about it, but thats the great thing about husbands, THEY CAN SLEEP THROUGH ANYTHING!

The blessing out of it, Jay stayed asleep the whole time! And they share a room!