siblings.....

the hardest part about having two kids is the constant arguing over a toy? Oh your kids never do it? Congrats. My kids, all the time. Who had which toy first? Who hit who first? Why is Miles saying no? Why is Jayson crying? Why are you both yelling 'mine'? Do you both need to go in time out? Do you both want your bottom spanked? you get the picture. I have felt very convicted to speak into their hearts about these matters. Not just discipline with justice, ie: "Well, who had the toy first?" or "Who hit who" instead, why did you hit Jayson or why is it more important for you to have the toy? Although they both are young I think its so important to start explaining to them that they are sinners, in need of a savior. Before you read this and say, wow Tara has gotten super "churchy." I dont straight use those words with them. I ask them if they feel like their happiness is more important than there brother's, and then we talk about why that is wrong and that Jesus tells us to love one another as much as ourselves and to be kind to eachother. I'm pretty sure we say this scripture ever single day and more than a few times a day. But I want them to start understanding that we live in a fallen world and they need their hearts to be restored, and that even constantly trying to rip a toy of of anothers hand is sinful. Day in and day out I get pretty drained, and if you are a mother with children this close in age and say you don't I think you would be either lieing or crazy. But just when I feel like I am at the end of my rope and my hair will be ripped out before it has the chance to go gray, I get such wonderful glimpses of love out of both of them....
Miles loves Jay, adores him and (when hes in the mood) shares with him in such a precious way. He isnt at the age yet that wants praise for the sharing, it just comes to him and he loves to see the smile on Jays face. He says "here Jayson here." (If you know Miles well, this is how he talks, love you mommy love you, or hi meg hi, or hold you daddy hold you, always repeats the same words twice). I love how they, when they think no one is watching, play so nicely together. Jay will pull down candyland or shoots and ladders and they will name colors or numbers, or they will play with their trains. Jay makes a huge track for Miles to push his train around. Just today I snuck in to find them sitting on the couch, book opened up and Jay "reading" it to Miles, Miles then sees me and says "Momma, Jay readin it, book." Or shopping at a huge antique market today, Jay pushing Miles in the stroller pointing out things to him and Jay saying, "Miles, arent you so excited about it?" How can that not just bring a smile to your face?
I often think, and believe me I know this is so small compared to God, but that God's love is a lot like mine. Its constant training, discipline, molding, shaping, pointing out things that I need to work on, cleaning up my junk, showing me how selfish I really am, but in the same exact moment loving me with all His heart. Smiling at me in the quiet moments, being so proud of the person that I am, the person that He has created, loving me nonstop, even when I don't deserve it. I wish in so many ways that people would grasp this. That God loved us, Christ loved us when we were still sinners. That we were totally deprived, that we didnt have God steering us in the right direction, that we were destined for failure, and God restored us. Made us whole again....in no way could we do anything to earn His love and still He loved us just the same. I think being a parent helps you to understand the love of God, and I'm pretty sure thats why he gave us the blessing of parenthood. For His Glory.

So sweet.